To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to tell you about the grief that I carry with me to this
very day. I don't even know if the people reading this letter are the same ones who worked there when I was there.
I was 22 weeks pregnant with a little boy who had Trisomy 13
Robertsonian Translocation. When I walked in to talk to the counselor
about the termination, she had NO idea why I was there. I myself, had
to inform her because she did NOT read my charts before I entered her
room. It was hard enough being there, never mind giving an explanation
as to why I was there.
It was January 4, 2004 and I went to have the first set of Laminara,
the next day we were supposed to come back but a huge ice storm hit. A
solid week of nothing but ice. I had to take the Laminara out myself.
Well when the ice melted we came back again, now it is January 12,
2004. We had to start the whole process over. It felt disgusting and
was extremely painful! We came back again the next day (the 13th) and
had the second set of Laminara inserted.
THEN CAME THE MORNING OF JANUARY 14, 2004 : 6:00 AM
We came in NO COMPASSION from any of the employees at all. I was
completely terrified. My mother and my loving boyfriend were there
with me. Well we got into the waiting room with the gurney beds, got
into gown, cap and the paper shoes. The anesthesiologist came in just
kind of monotone, no compassion there either, he just shoved the IV in
my arm and left. Then someone else came in (not sure who they didn't
introduce themselves), and just took the gurney and wheeled it into
the surgical room. The only thing I remember is a picture of a
mountain/river poster on the ceiling. Well the next thing I knew I was
in the "recovery room". Well to this day it still makes me very
ANGRY! No one in the surgical room told me there were putting me out!
How dare them. How can you people inject something into someone's body
without letting them know!
Considering why we "choose" to do the termination because off all the
pressure from genetic counselor/DR's/ professionals and the employees
of Love Joy Surgi Center. Not a single person had a single bit of
encouragement for us to carry a baby with so many anomalies, nothing
except for to kill him. I now consider myself a baby killer/murder,
however you may put it. We made a life changing decision based on
PRESSURE, absolute pressure.
Not a single person told us, how they removed the baby from my body. I
did not know that you go into my uterus with pliers/forceps and RIP
HIS TINY BODY TO PIECES!!!!!!!!! I recently saw photos of aborted
mangled babies, what a disgrace it made me sick to my stomach! Now all
I can see in my mind are images of my little boy torn and mangle to
pieces.
Also not a single professional at Love Joy spoke to me about Grief
counseling/after abortion counseling. Another thing; EVERY women
should be told about "ABC", abortion breast cancer link. Also you
need to make people aware that there is such thing as "PASS", post
abortion stress syndrome. Which is very VERY real, especially if you
have felt your son move inside you for 2 weeks or more and then
instantly ripped from you body/soul. No one offered me the
possibility of continuing the pregnancy and if he did come to
prematurely......well at least I would have gotten to see my angels
face. The only thing I can see is his tiny body ripped to shreds.
This is something I live with on a DAILY basis. Something I will
NEVER forget. I thought the choice that we were pressured into would
be better for him, but lets weigh the options: torn to pieces and
mangled OR minutes/hours in the loving arms of mommy/daddy, NOW that I
see the light, my choice would have not been hard at all. But due to
lack of counseling/information, we never got to hold him, we never got
to take pictures, we never got to get footprints, we never got a lock
of hair. There is FOREVER a huge gaping hole in my heart the will
never be filled.
I have wanting to write this for 6 months or more. I had to for my own
well being as well as for my son. I would appreciate a response from
anyone who cares....PLEASE make sure and show ALL the
nurses/doctors/counselors because believe it or not there are long
lasting effects.
Sincerely,
Katie
The support, information and encouragement provided by the PPFL parents is not meant to take the place of medical advice by a medical professional. Any specific questions about care should be directed to a health care professional familiar with the situation.
